I’ve spent the last 20 minutes reading the book of Job. I got up to chapter 4 and decided I had gotten the basic gist. Or maybe not. I kind of missed the ending. There are 42 chapters, after all.
But by now you may be wondering one of the following: “isn’t she at work?” or “ why is she reading the bible?” or “ did I miss something? is she like really religious?”
The answers to those questions would be: Yes, I am at work. I’ll tell u why in a second, hang on. No, I am not particularly religious. Spiritual, maybe? Would that be a better word? I don’t know, we can talk about that some other time.
The reason I was reading the book of Job, if I didn’t freak you out with my first paragraph and you’re still reading, is because I overheard a conversation today—Day 4, mind you, that got me curious.
Cube mate- Who I have discussed religion with before, is far less religious than I am. She does not live her life by any standard that religious doctrine would support. And she certainly doesn’t treat her body, or her life, like the gift that even the least religious person must admit life is. But lately, she’s been befriended by a woman who is- or claims to be-quite religious. We will call her Beth. Beth, as a ritual, comes in to work an hour before her shift starts in order to practice her daily devotions. I am lead to believe this also happens at lunch time. And, given the evidence, I would imagine she also holds a nightly devotion at her home.
A friend and I speculated that the only reason she befriended the dreaded cube mate was to convert her from her heathen ways and into the world of Christianity.
Apparently, I was right. For this morning, I walked in, threw my purse on my desk, and put on my headphones. But before I could press ‘play’ on my Ipod, I overheard Beth telling Cube mate all about the book of Job, and how she should apply it to her own life. Especially when she is sitting in a cubicle, questioning ‘things.’
So I read the Book of Job(well, the first 4 chapters) and I guess Beth was trying to tell Cube demon that the reason her life sucks so bad, and that she’s so fat* she has to walk down the stairs sideways, and that she has no friends, and that she’ll die a virgin, and that her own cube mate (moi) won’t even speak to her, and also silently detests having to breath the same air as her (ok, I’ll stop now) is because God is testing her allegiance.
Funny? Sad? Somewhere in between? I’m not sure quite yet. But, I think in this situation, even God would say “ Stop praying, put away that 2 liter of Coke that you consider breakfast, limit your sausage and bacon sandwiches at Dunkin Donuts to once a month instead of twice a day, and get your ass on an elliptical. Oh, and in the mean time, two words: Lane Bryant. You don’t have to wear sweats to your professional job everyday. They do make clothes as large as you.”
I know I'm missing a lot of points here, from both sides. But this concludes my rant for now.
*disclaimer* no, I am not prejudice against people who are overweight. That is not the reason I don’t like her, it just adds to my frustration with her as she complains about it but does everything humanly possible to destroy herself. Thank you, and goodnight.
How the hell have you done it?
6 days ago