Tuesday, April 20, 2010

not your average bible study

I’ve spent the last 20 minutes reading the book of Job. I got up to chapter 4 and decided I had gotten the basic gist. Or maybe not. I kind of missed the ending. There are 42 chapters, after all.

But by now you may be wondering one of the following: “isn’t she at work?” or “ why is she reading the bible?” or “ did I miss something? is she like really religious?”

The answers to those questions would be: Yes, I am at work. I’ll tell u why in a second, hang on. No, I am not particularly religious. Spiritual, maybe? Would that be a better word? I don’t know, we can talk about that some other time.

The reason I was reading the book of Job, if I didn’t freak you out with my first paragraph and you’re still reading, is because I overheard a conversation today—Day 4, mind you, that got me curious.

Cube mate- Who I have discussed religion with before, is far less religious than I am. She does not live her life by any standard that religious doctrine would support. And she certainly doesn’t treat her body, or her life, like the gift that even the least religious person must admit life is. But lately, she’s been befriended by a woman who is- or claims to be-quite religious. We will call her Beth. Beth, as a ritual, comes in to work an hour before her shift starts in order to practice her daily devotions. I am lead to believe this also happens at lunch time. And, given the evidence, I would imagine she also holds a nightly devotion at her home.

A friend and I speculated that the only reason she befriended the dreaded cube mate was to convert her from her heathen ways and into the world of Christianity.

Apparently, I was right. For this morning, I walked in, threw my purse on my desk, and put on my headphones. But before I could press ‘play’ on my Ipod, I overheard Beth telling Cube mate all about the book of Job, and how she should apply it to her own life. Especially when she is sitting in a cubicle, questioning ‘things.’

So I read the Book of Job(well, the first 4 chapters) and I guess Beth was trying to tell Cube demon that the reason her life sucks so bad, and that she’s so fat* she has to walk down the stairs sideways, and that she has no friends, and that she’ll die a virgin, and that her own cube mate (moi) won’t even speak to her, and also silently detests having to breath the same air as her (ok, I’ll stop now) is because God is testing her allegiance.

Funny? Sad? Somewhere in between? I’m not sure quite yet. But, I think in this situation, even God would say “ Stop praying, put away that 2 liter of Coke that you consider breakfast, limit your sausage and bacon sandwiches at Dunkin Donuts to once a month instead of twice a day, and get your ass on an elliptical. Oh, and in the mean time, two words: Lane Bryant. You don’t have to wear sweats to your professional job everyday. They do make clothes as large as you.”

I know I'm missing a lot of points here, from both sides. But this concludes my rant for now.

*disclaimer* no, I am not prejudice against people who are overweight. That is not the reason I don’t like her, it just adds to my frustration with her as she complains about it but does everything humanly possible to destroy herself. Thank you, and goodnight.

Monday, April 19, 2010

This Is The Countdown.....

I’ve been waiting for something, I’ve been sitting for too long - Mae

So today is DAY 5 leading up to this Friday, which will be my last day working for this company.

A few things I’ll miss:

1. My fellow cube warrior and the strongest and best personality I ever encountered in my one and a half years here. They say some things happen for a reason, and I think working here was set up for the sole purpose of us meeting and joining forces.

2. The salad bar in the building’s cafeteria. Not only do they have every veggie I could want on my salad, they also know how to satisfy my ranch tooth. ‘Nuff said.

3. Every day is casual Friday- what am I wearing today, u may ask- Jeans and sneakers.

4. Going for walks on the prairie walking trail, #1 at my side.

5. Helping patients. It won’t be a part of my new position, and I will miss the rewarding feeling I get when I’ve helped clear some confusion or resolve an issue that would have otherwise taken months.

Things I won’t miss:

1. This horrific Chair, an embarrassment to chairs the world over. It’s padded foam, decorated with cheap blue fabric, stapled to some plastic legs. It provides no support, no comfort, and I think I’ve developed a hunchback by sitting in it. They have better chairs in prison, I’m sure.

2. The Cube Mate. Though I must thank her for basically getting me this job, and also, for inspiring me to move on to a different one. I owe it all to her, really. But miss her? Absolutely…not.

3. The women’s bathroom, and the male janitor who cleans it 20 times a day, and only when I really have to pee.

4. The hens- The ones who spend all day clack clack cackling- Noone Cares.

Tune in Tomorrow for Day 4.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

And Your Bird Can Sing

There’s things we want so badly to say to people in our lives-authority figures, loved ones, complete strangers. But we don’t. Or we can’t, not without serious ramifications, anyway. But those words, that we force back, down our throats, swallowing them, trying to pretend they never existed. They don’t go away.

I had so many of those moments yesterday. More than I usually have in an entire week. What didn’t help is that something is wrong with the battery on my cell phone, and my phone was dead by noon. Suddenly there I was- Present, in reality. No viral connection of any sort for me to dispense my unsung rebuttals without fear. I had to react on my own.

I formally resigned from my job. The one that made me so miserable this past year and a half. It came as a complete shock to my superiors. Why? Because I never openly display my emotions to the people who need to hear it most. Nay, I take it home with me. I say everything I wish I could say to them- to my boyfriend, to his family. To my sister. So naturally they aren’t surprised. But all of a sudden, I’m put on the spot. I’m asked to explain 16 months worth of frustration to ignorant ears. And then in turn, they’re put on the spot. They have to come up with a solution they never knew they needed. But try as they might, they’re too late. I’ve stored these feelings for so long; I’ve made the decision long before the door of opportunity ever arrived. The door has swung open, after 2- no- 6 years of sitting patiently in the waiting room. I’m walking through it. There is no looking back.