Can I Handle It?

These days we go to waste like wine, that’s turned to turned to turpentine….


-Brandi Carlile


Uh-oh. Second guessing myself here. Yesterday afternoon I came home from work feeling a bit wound up. So I sat at my desk for about an hour and scrapbooked as one of my dogs tried anxiously to hop up on my lap. (is she a lap dog? No. but she likes to think she is.) It helped ease my tension for the evening, and I slept quite well, but here I am… getting a little stressed again.

I’ve always been indecisive, and now that it’s time to choose classes, I’m really wondering what to do.

Part of me wants to start slow. Take one course at a time. Ease myself into it. But the other part of me wants to get this over with as soon as possible. So what do I do?

I asked my partner in crime for an opinion, and I noticed a tinge of disappointment when the phrase ‘whatever you think you can handle’ was spoken.

So I started thinking.. Granted, I don’t have children, but will less time at home cause rifts? Will I be taking on too much? Or am I just too worried about pleasing everyone (but myself), a habit that’s hard to break? Now I’m asking myself: What do YOU want? And I don’t know. I’m nervous.

When I do what I want, I feel selfish. And someone most always gets mad at me, for what it’s worth.

I tried to be a good friend this weekend, and a good sister, and a good daughter, and a good girlfriend. All at the same time. I thought I compromised myself pretty well. Apparently, I was wrong.

2 of those 4 people are pissed at me. 1 has said nothing to me except for the usual Political Propaganda email, and I successfully pissed the other one off this morning. (That one was my fault, 100%)

I can’t stand having people mad at me. It’s either my strength or my weakness; I haven’t quite figured that out yet. What I have figured out is that it clouds my judgment. So perhaps in a few days, I’ll have made my decision….